Aliens.

So, reader, NASA is supposed to reveal some big announcement about extra terrestrials tomorrow... Meh.

You know what I think, reader? I think that's bullcrap. NASA isn't just gonna come out of a conference room and announce to the whole world, "We found aliens."
Seriously. CNN thinks this is hardcore stuff.
I don't think so, reader.

So, if there are any real aliens out there, reader, and NASA finds them, they're just gonna shut up about it. It's kinda obvious.

They'd have to go through the government first.